THE WEST END TIMES- Issue 2
Keeping YOU In The Know
1735 Main Street West
Los Angeles, CA, 90021
Sunday, March 16th, 1935


The Fallen Star: New York Mobster Found Dead
Written By Anonymous

The community was shaken violently on the fourth of March when fashion mogul and suspected New York Underboss was found dead in his Manhattan apartment. Brother Thong, who was known mostly for his unique fashion sense and well known line of expensive men's personal wear, was a well known member in the community. He was born in Los Angeles, growing up in Hollywood. He enjoyed living life in the fast line, often being seen at clubs and parties. It is said that his rise in the criminal underworld began in Los Angeles, working under Don Ricci. He had some close friends out in New York at the time, so when war broke out between the Misfits and the Winter Tempest Society, it is said that Brother Thong was spared, supposedly moving to Los Angeles under the protection of Tommy Udo. Rumor has it that the New York family didn't take to well to the hit, and that large amounts of money are being offered to anyone coming forward with information regarding Mr. Thong's death.

According to our sources, Mr. Thong didn't take to the move too well. His past life of drinking and partying, liquor and cocaine got the best of him. He eventually fell off the map, spending more and more time alone at his home with women and large quantities of cocaine. Police reports indicate this is true, stating that Mr. Thong was found dead on his couch wearing a golden thong with multiple bottles of whiskey and a fist sized mountain of cocaine in front of him on the coffee table. Reports also mention a second body being found dead in the hallway, a naked woman that had been shot twice in the back.

Nothing is known about the killer, other than it was a man or woman that knew their trade. The hit was clean. Police say that there wasn't a single shred of evidence to be found in the entire home. They were forced to knock from door to door, asking for any sort of information regarding the murder of Brother Thong, but nothing came up.

Police have two variations of what could possibly have happened. One story is basically a drug deal gone wrong, but then this leaves questions as to why the cocaine was left on the table and money was still stashed away in Mr. Thong's bedroom. The other possibility is that perhaps a former member of the Los Angeles Misfits held a grudge on Mr. Thong for not 'going down with the ship'. Perhaps even a son or daughter of a former member of the Misfits that was furious with the fact that their parents died, but Mr. Thong still lived. Nothing is certain at this point, this is all just speculation and assumption.

Police are offering a very large reward to anyone that comes forth with information pertaining to this murder. If any information is found, please contact your local authorities immediately.


The Smoke Has Cleared, There Is Only One Beard!
Written By William Schmidt

To our weekly readers, many of you know that we recently opened up a poll for the country to vote on who they think has the greatest of all beards. Well, the votes were all counted up, and the country has spoken. The people of America were nearly unanimous in the crowning of the beards! Giovanni Battista's beard was phenomenal, it seemed he won from the beginning as the votes poured in for him since day two of the competition. However, during the duration of the competition there were accusations of rigging the contest in Giovanni's favor.

"Mr Treledees should ask his mirror again!" A bearded fellow shouted from the crowd at the award ceremony, our sources say. This competition, which is a testament to who has the manliest and most prominent beard in all the land would obviously leave controversy. Word on the street is that even Giovanni's brother, suspected mafioso and head of the West Coast Mafia Andre Battista called the whole voting process a scam, claiming that people were paid off to vote for his brother. One thing is for sure, and that is that each beard commands it's own respect and is worn with dignity. No one who entered this beard competition should hang their beards low in disappointment. For it is the beard that makes the man and all of the gentlemen in the competition had fine beards.

When it was clear who won the crowd exploded into cheering and whistling. Giovanni was brought out on stage at the ceremony and given a trophy made of solid gold. It was a faceless man bearing an exact replica of Mr. Battista's beard. Along with the trophy, Giovanni was given any and all bragging rights over the best of beards in all the land.

The West End times would like to thank you for participating and showing us who YOU think had the mightier beard.

Giovanni Battista, congratulations on your award. Special thanks to the other contestants; your beards do not go unnoticed. And for the rest of you, GET BEARDING!


Joke Of The Week

Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A Pasta-tute!


Riddle Of The Week

Answer to last weeks riddle: A traffic Light

New Riddle:

How can a pocket on a pair of pants be empty, but still have something in it?


LOOKING FOR WRITERS

Ever want to have a story that you wrote be read across the nation? Now is your chance! We at the West End Times are looking for writers, whether you are experienced or new to journalism. We offer great wages for writing articles. Topics are readily available to be written about or you can come up with your own. If you have any interest, please contact Mr. Jospeh Ardizzone by telephone, mail or by appointment at the West End Times head office. Address is 1735 Main Street West, Los Angeles, CA, 90021. Thank you.