IN YOUR VASTE - Issue 12

EDITOR'S NOTE

Guess who's back, back again, Vaste is back, tell a friend! Unfortunately I don't have a network of informants yet so I'm taking my information from the rumours I hear on the street and in bars. As always I'm always looking for journalists so please get in contact with Aliss at head office if you have an article or just a juicy piece of information. I'm also partial to bribery in the form of pie!

EVEN NEWER BEGINNINGS

In a move to maintain his campaign promise to reduce the harm organised crime has on our communities during his landslide victory President Warren G Harding has tasked all police forces and federal agencies to remove all organised crime syndicates by any means necessary. Overnight every member of these families was arrested and put on death row or killed during the arrest leaving a period of peace that lasted for around 2 months. As the old addage goes, in the world only 2 things are guaranteed crime and taxes which is evident by at least 2 petty criminals declaring themselves as street bosses with Raymond Reddington establishing The Cabal and an Italian Devil establishing The Devils of the West Coast. Currently things have been fairly amicable with most of the criminal deaths being caused by suicide or other forms of stupidity but with the 48 hour formal truce coming to an end, it's interesting to see how things will play out. There's already speculation that Sagamihara was whacked for trying to break the truce on a hit gone wrong against the demented old fogey Mr G. In Your Vaste will keep you updated of developments as the criminal world starts to organise themselves.

THE OLD FOGEY PROBLEM

With all the old criminals being eradicated, one would expect the "back in my day" stories to have died out but it's not the case with Mr G trumpeting in the street about an epic battle that happened in the past against street boss Raymond Reddington. As all the families were wiped out and as very few bodies have dropped there is no way this could have been possible. Is Mr G completely deluded and is he making up stories of epic battles maybe taking glory from the achievements of his forefathers knowing that he can never fill their size 11s or is he exaggerating the battle that was had when it was just handbags at dawn. Either way, someone needs to take him back home, wrap him up in a dressing gown and give him a hot cocoa before he hurts himself. If any of the old people homes is missing a geriatric Mr G was seen wandering the streets of Miami.

DENVER LATE THAN NEVER

In an epic face palm moment incumbent Mayor of Denver Gumbus "Gumbo" Gumby has managed to seal his own demise after he erected a statue of Denver born editor Vaste. Gumby wanted to draw attention to how great a city Denver is and said that he should honour the Denver based editor and his work to put Denver back on the map. He said "There's not much to be proud of in Denver, but Vaste has done wonders to bring some pride back to the city. We've not had a reason to erect a statue in a century and I doubt we'll have a reason to erect another statue ever again. Vaste is probably the best person to have ever come from the state of Colorado". In a surprise move this speech has led to a wave of votes in the recent landslide election in favour of Vaste who is now mayor of Denver. Local resident Heather Adams had this to say "I didn't know we could vote for other people, at least Gumby has finally done something good by showing us that there was another option. In his acceptance speech Vaste had this to say "I didn't know I was running for mayor but I will do my best for the people of Denver. This is an honour and I appreciate it. Keep reading the paper!"

A DANCE WITH THE DEVIL

HOLD THE PRESS! Whilst the paper was in print rumours have spread that Atlanta based street boss Jumma has been executed by The Los Angeles based Devil in a move to exert himself as the top dog. With rumours now circulating that Diablo got his name from serving as a sniper in the Italian army before having to flee Italy after an alleged affair with the Don's wife. Diablo is fast establishing himself as a lethal force with rumours circulating that he has killed in excess of 25 people and after today's shoot out this number may be closer to double that number. It's too early to tell if there will he any repercussions following this execution but In Your Vaste will keep you appraised.