THE LA TIMES ISSUE 2

Gazette Threatened As Sales of LA Times Soar

The inaugural edition of the LA Times was greeted to rave reviews from critics around America. Copies flew off the stands and profits for the paper were up by 54 percent. In retaliation, The Mafia Gazette hastily printed its first edition in months to mixed reviews and anger from the community. With the masses seemingly turned on by the inaccurate and opinionated Gazette the future of the LA Times seems bright

The LA Times broke a host of stories across America whereas the hack journalists at the Gazette were forced to resort to cheap thrill tactics to sell copies. The LA Times would never stoop to such blatant propaganda, not whilst the glorious King Angelo and his valiant Dandy Highwaymen rule in LA.

The LA Times are proud to announce their paper to the masses and delight in showing the World what a shining city state Los Angeles is. We do not hide behind the written word to destroy people’s reputations; instead we seek to deliver the news honest and true. Stick with me and you’ll never go hungry for news again!

Speculations is mounting as to who is the mystery editor is for the Mafia Gazette along with an increasing concern over who is next on the list of the poison penned Gazette.

How do you solve a problem like Miami?
By Cubert Farnsworth

Cubert: I’m sat here with the charismatic and noble leader of Miami Mr. Marco Polo. Marco, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit with me… The Mafia Gazette recently published an article with some less than flattering allegations. How did you take the news?

Marco: First of all I would like to start off by thanking you for inviting me to LA for this interview. It's always nice to come here and get a warm welcome.

Well to be honest Cubert I was outraged that someone would write all that about myself without even sitting me down for an interview. The facts they have come out with is truly rubbish.

Cubert: I see, that’s quite understandable, I myself would have been crushed if somebody assassinated my character that way. The Mafia Gazette is often fast and loose with it’s ‘facts’ and I suspect this is another one of those occasions! Can you please tell me what really went down with Mr Black and The Scotsman?

Marco: Of course Cubert. What really happened was that Mr_Black and The Scotsman became very good friend while being in the family. The Scotsman took him under his wing and made sure he was safe from others. But for some reason there was an argument that broke out where Mr Black started threatening The Scotsman with violence then started to attack him over the argument. The Scotsman fired one shot back after informing me and hit him with a near fatal. he decided to leave Miami where this had happened as not to finish Mr_black off.

Cubert: Oh my, that sounds like you were placed into a very difficult position here. It’s never ideal for family to turn on family. What happenedn next?

Marco: After hearing about the $20 million dollar bounty he placed for The Scotsman I then tried to calm Mr Black down and hear his side of the story but by then it was to late after he threatened to wack myself. I couldn't sit back and tolerate this behaviour in my family so I decided to hunt Mr Black down and kill him myself. Unfortunately Mr Black put his life in his own hands and pulled the trigger.

Cubert: That’s quite the story. With everything that’s gone on and the disgraceful comments made by The Mafia Gazette have you considered taking legal aid? The LA Times has access to an excellent lawyer in the form of Saul Goodman and I’m sure he’d be willing to sue on your behalf for damages if you are interested?

Marco: Thank you for the support Cubert but I won't be taking legal aid. I only ask for the person who wrote this is to come forward and come see me in person.

Should he not announce himself I will ask Saul to start legal proceedings.


So there you have it Ladies and Gentleman. Marco Polo’s exclusive interview on the libellous and character destroying accusations levelled at him by The Mafia Gazette. It would seem in their haste to get the scoop they attempted to destroy a leading man in our community, something The LA Times would never seek to do! Stick with us folks, for all the news that is news!

God Forsaken Chicago?
By Jory Cassel

Recently the city of Chicago has seen changes of all kinds. Along with some changes in gun policy the city has seen an overhaul of the criminal organization based there. It's well known that God Himself initially set up the group based on religious ideals, though the point in time when they turned to illegal activity is uncertain. Members of the group had been known to carry tags stating "Doing God's Work", showing a certain devotion and faith in their leader. But recently those tags have disappeared, leaving them to become known as "The Cult", perhaps signaling a weakening of their belief system coinciding with their leader being a hermit due to severe depression.

A man known in some circles as The Russian made an announcement in the streets that all gun permits for the city of Chicago were being revoked and that no new ones would be issues. This being in response to the deaths of multiple members of the Chicago family. It is assumed that God Himself wasn't able to make the public appearance himself as he was laying in bed all day with the curtains drawn, the thought of getting up and taking a shower being too much to handle.

There is some speculation as to the causes for God's depression. One theory blames the deaths of his family members recently. Another states that sometime after creating the Earth, Heavens and all things God Himself forgot how to get a promotion to Don.

Some even claim it a result of the death of Jack Smith, as the two were reportedly close friends. Some believe his recent emotional spiral was started after learning that the New York crime boss had been set up with God being quick to take the bait.

Whatever the reason, we here at the LA Times will watch developments closely over the coming weeks and hope for a speedy recovery for our old friend God.

Man Of the Year Competition – From the Farce to the Fabulous
By Ella Sand

The 1st Annual Man of the Year competition is once again in full swing and on this occasion sponsored by the impressive new outfit from Las Vegas. Initial response to the competition was muted, but thanks in large to intervention by the impressive and brave King Angelo the competition is now back on track. Entries from Reggie Biggs, Saul Goodman and Salvatore Gionetti were greeted to rapturous applause by the masses with one casual observer noting “By gods, what a showing from LA! If they don’t win it must surely be a fix!”. We can only hope the judges feel the same!

King Angelo has so far been absent from the competition which The LA Times finds admirable. If the King entered he would surely win and thus ruin the chances of every one else involved. Another noble and selfless act that has become the hallmark of King Angelo’s reign.

With time running out before the competition closes it remains to be seen whether anybody else would enter. Rumours speculate that Mr Rager and Salvatore ‘Citizen’ Riina will enter to earn more glory for House Dandy.

Note From the Editor

The LA times focuses primarily on the strength and prosperity of the Kingdom of LA, however we do have roaming reporters who pick up news from around the country. If you have any news that is new feel free to send the snippets to us and we’ll think about publishing. Advertisement is available for a small fee of $50,000 per edition.

The LA Times will be published weekly, look out for more editions in the future!