THE LA TIMES

Return of the King

Today the Kingdom of LA celebrates the return of King Angelo DeCarlo. The charismatic and talented leader had been forced into a brief abdication but thankfully for the citizens of LA this was now over and the true work for the Kingdom could begin.

A joyous coronation and a brief and yet hugely successful reign was shattered following increasing pressure from the Federal Government that had resulted in the death of Lambright and the eventual abdication from the throne. Experts believe Angelo’s decision to abandon the throne was both charismatic and bold and symbolises the bravery of the stunning and handsome King.

Angelo’s return was marked by fan fare and cheers from the masses and even his worst enemy, Brock Russle, had turned out to say some encouraging words of kindness. The interim King, Salvatore ‘Citizen’ Riina had now been banished to the wall for his heinous crimes and poor leadership.

A spokesman for The Dandy Highwaymen had this to say “Angelo’s return is illuminating in these dark, dark times. We are glad to have him back and look forward to seeing his plans for the city.”

Angelo was too busy sitting on the Iron Throne to comment, but we here at the LA Times wish him all the best going forward.

The Republic Rises

In the one true King of LA’s absence a vile Republic announced itself to the streets of the country much to the dismay and disgust of the general populace of the city. The Republic led and championed by Aphex arrived with little fanfare and were largely ignored by the masses in favour of the much praised Kingdom of LA.

The Senile one as Aphex is most commonly known delivered a slanderous speech aimed at the glorious King Angelo and produced libelous literature and posters to support his claims. Aphex suggested that King Angelo was at fault for the entire World’s problems. Aphex claimed both healthcare and employment figures had suffered under The Dandy Highwaymen and only the Republic could show the way towards the lights.

The LA Times however can exclusively reveal all this to be untrue. Saul Goodman, the family lawyer was able to provide this insight “New census figures show that healthcare has increased 120% percent since King Angelo ascended to the throne. Employment is down 22% and forecasts suggest more economic growth on the horizon. The Republic and it’s lies will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.”

It is rumoured Aphex complaints all stem from petty jealousy and the Scared Heart’s hospitals refusal to treat his numerous STD’s and dementia related illnesses.

King Angelo and The Dandy Highwaymen offer the way to superior existence in the city. Jobs and shelter are available within The Red Keep and Angelo is always recruiting able bodied workers. The LA Times salutes him in these troubled times.

Business Boom in LA

When King Angelo and The Dandy Highwaymen first moved to Los Angeles the business district was highlighted as a key focal point for the city. It was in a derelict and neglected state under the rule of the previous city tenants. Once again the LA Times can exclusively reveal that the city’s business district is now on the up and up.

The resurgence in the city has been led by Francesco Sanili. As business district manager he has implemented a string of incentives and initiatives to drive growth and it would appear to be growing. Whilst neighbouring cities including Denver and Dallas continue to flounder LA flourishes. There are now no less than 23 active businesses in the city which marks an incredible 79% increase in ownership in the city.

The LA Times is thrilled to learn this, and will itself be setting up a new office within the city.

Notable examples of fine architecture currently on offer in the city include the The Los Angeles Country Club owned and operated by Salvatore_Gionettiwhich offers a unique opportunity to join the elite of America and and the more laid back Valiant Jouster.

Going forward Los Angeles would like to increase this even further and it is rumoured that Francesco and King Angelo are working on new schemes to bring more business and growth.

The Kingdom of LA Rules & Regulations

Rule 1:

Shooting within the city is strictly prohibited. There is a war against the Federal Government but it is the guns of LA that will lead the charge against them. Anybody caught shooting within the city will be asked to stop. Upon second offence no warning will be given. You will be fired upon and banned permenently from the city.

A shot resulting in the death of a member of the city will result in the fine of $10,000,000.

Rule 2: The Citizen Levy Tax

Unaffiliated citizens must pay a protection charge of $5,000,000 to enter the city. Failure to do so will result in your all possessions being forfeit to The Dandy Highwaymen. Mugging and kidnapping attempts WILL take place and nothing will be done to stop them.

Rule 3: Alcohol License

Alcohol is a rare and beautiful thing in these troubled times. Los Angeles have a unique agreement with the Feds to allow for some shipments of Alcohol to be brought in from neighbouring countries.

For businesses seeking to sell alcohol on their premises a fee of $1,000,000 per week is required. Payments should be made to Francesco_Sanili.


NEWS FROM AROUND AMERICA

The Great Mob Switcheroo

An unusual trend has gripped the nation in recent days around the globe. Families from rival Crime Syndicates have been swapping members to bolster their popularity and ranks in the hopes that the Godfather’s will deem them worthy of achieving a promotion within this thing of ours.

Miami and Chicago were the forerunners of this campaign and it is believer that both our beloved Los Angeles and Detroit may find themselves in the same situation over the next few weeks. The family swap involves members temporarily relocating to work under a new head in a different city. So far the ruse has worked to varying degrees of success with Miami’s Marco Polo achieving the pivotal rank of Boss. We congratulate Marco on gaining his promotion and wish him all the best in the future.

Odysseus Sacker Of Cities

The Administration within the Federal Government have become increasingly concerned with the bulging bank balances of the citizens within the nine crime cities of America. It is rumoured that the money in all the banks across the nation could fill the Atlantic Ocean between the east coast of America and mainland Europe.

Whilst the depression sinks in and the economy continues to falter elsewhere around the globe the Crime syndicates continue to reap rich rewards. To counter this the Admin’s employed the fabled Odysseus to reclaim some of the Mafia’s ill gotten gains.

On September 29th bank raids were carried out and a total of $700,000,000 claimed from the bank accounts of members of the community. The heroes of Los Angeles themselves suffered grave financial losses; these losses will have devastating effects as The Dandy Highwaymen can no longer complete their great rebuilding for the poor which would see a host of planned orphanage building projects cancelled.

The LA Times are now seeking donations from rich members of the community to help LA save the children.


Note From the Editor

The LA times focuses primarily on the strength and prosperity of the Kingdom of LA, however we do have roaming reporters who pick up news from around the country. If you have any news that is new feel free to send the snippets to us and we’ll think about publishing. Advertisement is available for a small fee of $50,000 per edition.

The LA Times will be published weekly, look out for more editions in the future!