The Mafia Gazette
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
14 March 2012
FIRST MADE MAN ANNOUNCED
By Carmela DeAngelis
Just after the last issue of the Gazette and following fierce speculation over who would be given their button first, Mr Goat of Detroit surprised the community by being approached by the Godfathers and awarded his Made button. He was also gifted with 30 Godfather favours, and to mark the occasion, all those present were awarded favours also.
Mr Goat, a very private person, has been working hard in Detroit with his small family, and this concentration as well as his seeming insignificance brought him to the attention of the Mafia and kept him away from any who might wish to take him out to prevent him from reaching the rank. His private nature has brought some complaints from members in the community who wished someone more visible to have been given their button first, but there really is no knowing what it is that the Godfathers look for when recruiting to the Mafia ranks.
Mr Rich of New York also soon received his button, and it seems sure that many more will follow. We hope that the arrival of these families will mean more stability in the community as well as more growth.
We at the Gazette would like to extend our congratulations to our new Made Men, and wish them health and prosperity for the future.
IT’S A TRAP!
By Holly Hunter
An elaborate scheme went into play Monday as New York leader Rich was nearly lured into what was revealed to be an ambush.
It has been confirmed that citizen Fez, member of The Citizen Brigade, baited Rich into New York with an ammo transaction where a small force was waiting. Sensing the deal was crooked, Rich steered clear of the offer. As the initial trap failed, New York member Jazzmouse found himself attacked on all sides by the determined force.
Rich and Luca_Vertiam arrived swiftly to support Jazzmouse and soon brought down Corry_Chase and trolling legend, Orlando. Although New York escaped this encounter intact, further attacks will occur in the foreseeable future as the Anti-Conceptualist movement, which appears to be in arms with The Citizen Brigade, grows in strength and numbers.
GOD-SON ANGERS ANOTHER GODFATHER
By Holly Hunter
Following Monday’s Edition of The Mafia Gazette it has been brought to attention that God-Son was once again brutally beaten for his mindless killing.
God-Son was paid a visit by Godfather Migs Ferraro and his men just hours after he had checked out of the hospital from his previous encounter. Rather than lie down his gun as he had promised Godfather JP McGarr and this paper, God-Son hit the streets harder than ever leaving many dead and more wounded.
It has been speculated that God-Son is attempting to get beaten by every Godfather in the community. We will be watching to see if this is so and will bring you the news as we have it.
MISFIRE DEATHS ON THE RISE
By Holly Hunter
Two men now lay dead as a result of misfires this Tuesday. Reports state Las Vegas residing Lincoln was casually walking behind family member Santino’s target when Santino tripped over a curb while firing and hit Lincoln instead. Bystanders claim that upon getting shot, Lincoln managed to cast Santino a dirty glance before crumpling to the ground in what was described as ‘a very dramatic manner’ and bled out shortly after.
A few hours previous, a similar misfire occurred in New York when leader Rich fired a shot and instead hit family member Machiavelli. New York members claim that Rich’s bullet, in a once in a lifetime occurrence, ricocheted off his target’s gun, flew into a curved metal pipe and shot out the other end, where Machiavelli was unfortunately standing.
While these reports have not yet been confirmed to be completely accurate, or are tall tales spun to cover for shooting inaccuracy, the fact remains that two men have fallen to friendly fire and two families continue to mourn the loss.
NEW GLUE FACTORY OPENS
By Carmela DeAngelis
The Mayor of Chicago yesterday opened the city’s latest new business which has been welcomed across the country. A new factory has been built amid much speculation of the use it would be put to, but it has now been revealed as a processing plant for producing glue.
The owner, Mr “Sticky” Sam McSweeney has already taken delivery of the first horses from disgruntled stable owners and production is under way on the first batch of glue. The glue can then be used for many different applications, and our community can be sure of a good seal on their mobmail with the new gum, and billboards across the country will no longer have to be re-pasted following any rain that washes away the previous flour-paste gum that has been used up till now.
It is hoped that with the new factory, the race-goers will enjoy better racing with more exciting outcomes as new horses are brought in to replace those that have been sent to Mr McSweeny.
Do you want to win at the races and become rich really fast? Well, look no further as I, Santino, will do just that for you. All you pay is a single fee of $100,000 per set. Payment in advance or once the set has started. I average 2 to 3 wins per set. If no wins come in, you will receive a refund of your initial deposit.
Contact Santino on 1800-RACE ME or find him at the track
WRITERS WANTED- The Gazette is looking for more writers of current events news to add to the newspaper. Good rates of pay offered. Contact Carmela_DeAngelis at the Gazette offices in Chicago with your application.
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