The Mafia Gazette
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
25 February 2012
CONCRETE SHOES OR CLOWNFISH PENGUINS?
Debate is currently raging over the best way to die, or indeed kill another Mafioso. Is it the traditional cement shoes, or, as has been suggested, the breeding of a clownfish/penguin hybrid?
Citizens in Manhattan have been warned to be on the lookout for two men carrying a steel beam and this particular hybrid, as rumours of a plot to fire the deadly missile from the eighth floor of one of the new skyscrapers were uncovered earlier today.
If you smell strong coffee or spot these two men, please contact your local branch of the Sunshine Sanctuary for the Mentally Disturbed.
FIRST MADE MAN TO BE IMMORTALISED
The first person to be given their Made button is to be awarded 30 Godfather favours and have their name immortalised. Anyone else around at that historic point will also be given a reward. A further three Godfather favours will be given out to all to commemorate the milestone.
We are still looking towards Mr McManus to win this honour, but rumour has it that he has some competition coming up fast, so at the moment it is anyone’s race.
We will bring you news of the winner as soon as we have it.
The Godfathers of the country have announced their intention to hold an art competition open to all. As we announced on Wednesday, the prize is very tempting indeed.
The winner will receive 50 Godfather favours and will be able to have a name of their choosing immortalised. The Gazette will also be awarding cash prizes to the runners up. Mr Jackie Cerone has kindly donated a very large sum of money which will be used for this purpose.
In order to win one of these prizes, we would like you to design an advertisement for the Gazette to go on a billboard. It should be relevant to our lifestyle as well as eye-catching and colourful. I would like to see it being a statement of how you see the Gazette and how you would like others to see it.
Please send all entries to me, Carmela DeAngelis, Editor in Chief at the Gazette offices in Chicago.
Do you want to win at the races and become rich really fast? Well, look no further as I, Santino, will do just that for you. All you pay is a single fee of $100,000 per set. Payment in advance or once the set has started. I average 2 to 3 wins per set. If no wins come in, you will receive a refund of your initial deposit.
Contact Santino on 1800-RACE ME or find him at the track
Natty Banking- For All Your Banking Needs
I am here to provide a service to ALL crime families. I will hold bullets, guns and cash.
Fees for all cash deals - 20k per day per person banking.
Fees for guns and ammo - 50k a day per person. (Open to negotiation)
You will be able to access your funds whenever you want.
I am a legit banker and so far I am banking for the Miami Mafia and its members.
If anyone is interested please get in touch.
Advertising in the Gazette is easy, and it’s FREE! Just send your advertisement in to the Gazette offices and we will print it here for you.