The Mafia Gazette
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
19 February 2012
UFO SIGHTING IN MIAMI
An Unidentified Flying Object was sighted in Miami last night as a young man named Tie Domi dropped his pants in the Common Rooms run by a Mr Ambiguity. The event was apparently witnessed by a Mr Waldo as well as the owner of the establishment.
Mr Domi, currently a resident of New York, was unavailable for comment, however an elderly lady that he had run past in the street commented that the object wasn’t all that unidentified, but it had been a long time since she’d seen one.
Shouts about Martians, Venusians or Las Vegas Airport Employians from Mr Domi were prompted by Mr Waldo’s initial claim to have seen real UFOs in Las Vegas. These UFOs have since been identified as scheduled flights in and out of the city. The ones in Miami were identified as normal nether regions for a male, just smaller.
Mr Domi is currently being cared for in the Sunshine Sanctuary for the Mentally Disturbed, but is due to be released later today.
NEW LIFE IN THE OLD CITIES
There has been an influx of new life in the 9 cities of the Mafia world here. This is a very welcome change to streets that were becoming increasingly quiet in the last few months. It appears that the lull was only leading to the storm that erupted on Valentine’s Day however, a storm that has brought the community closer together in its aftermath.
Many died from the early hours of Tuesday morning and the carnage continued well into the evening only stopping around midnight. The cities were quiet for a few hours before people started filtering back to pick up the pieces and start over.
The streets are currently thriving and Street Bosses are popping up like weeds after the rain, although there are still some out there who like to play weed killer, if you will forgive the pun. For each one cut down however, another two are appearing. This can only bode well for the future as the Godfathers see the new talent, and I don’t think it will be long before we see our first elevation to Made Man. The only question is “who will it be?”
We at the Gazette will be watching with interest and will bring you the story as it happens.
NEW GAZETTE OFFICES OPEN IN CHICAGO
As you can see, the Mafia Gazette is back on the streets by popular demand. The offices have been dusted off and will hopefully be running to full capacity within the week.
Our new Editor in Chief comes from a long line of Editors of the Gazette and her history with the newspaper dates back some ten years. We hope you will welcome Miss Carmela DeAngelis back to the newspaper. Now in her mid-twenties, Ms DeAngelis has come to us from the quiet side of this country’s population in order to bring the news to the Mafia and to the gangs of our streets. Her reputation of being close-lipped with the authorities means that any and all can come to her and be assured that Mob news with stay only within the realm of the mob.
There may also be openings for jobs here at the paper in future, so please keep reading for the details of any vacancies if you would like to join our country’s longest running newspaper.