The Mafia Gazette
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
27 April 2012
FAMILIES ANNOUNCE RECRUITMENT DRIVE
Two families have come to the streets recently offering places for the unsponsored within their ranks. This is a marked change from the closed-mouth policy of the newer crop of bosses, and has been welcomed by many.
Sadly one of the bosses, Mr Joey Shakes, was gunned down yesterday, but Ms Brighid in Las Vegas is still offering places within her family. Mr Sam Scozzari of Chicago has also appeared in the streets offering places, especially to those who have found themselves recently unsponsored following the death of Mr Shakes.
We hope that this is the start of a recruitment drive that will see more people able to find families and make the bosses more accessible to all.
STAFF OR SLAVES- BODYGUARDS UP FOR DEBATE
Questions are being asked over whether Bodyguards are merely members of staff or whether they are indentured to slavery by signing up with any one person.
This issue has come to light following people hunting down bodyguards that had been bribed from their employ and killing or threatening the new owners. These new owners, it is claimed, were not even aware that the bodyguards had previously worked for another person, but had hired them from the local agency when they were no longer in employ.
So the question is whether a bodyguard, once hired, belongs to a person until the death of that bodyguard, or whether they are free to choose whom they work for, even if it means taking up with an opposition leader. Discussions are being held in the Bodyguard Union, and we expect some sort of statement on the situation soon.
SHOWMAN SCOUTS FOR TALENT-ISH
Mr Paolo “the showman” came to the streets earlier this week looking for new talent to showcase to a large studio. He has offered a large prize made up of entry fees to the winner.
So far it seems only two people have shown an interest in the talent contest, despite the offer of a contract for films and talent shows with the studios that Mr Paolo represents. He has even stated that 100% of the entrance fees will go to the winner along with a contract with a major film studio. Along with a promise of working with major movie stars, this prize money could be a very big draw for local and national talent.
We wish all entrants the best of luck, however there are currently only two, both displaying a talent for nasal excavations. We do hope there will be more variation and urge anyone with any slight talent to sign up for this golden opportunity.
PRINTER PROBLEMS LEAVE GAZETTE UNPUBLISHED
Recent problems with the printing presses at the Chicago offices of the Mafia Gazette have seen the nation’s favourite newspaper disappear from newsstands recently.
Editor in Chief of the Gazette, Ms Carmela DeAngelis, began having problems since the middle of March, however a newspaper was printed earlier this month with the kind assistance of the printers’ union. Ms DeAngelis has stated that the repairs have cost her quite a sum of money, although she has no plans to change the price of your favourite broadsheet.
We at the Gazette apologise for the lack of newspapers and hope that this updating of equipment and essential repair work will see the paper become a more regular feature of your streets again.
WRITERS WANTED- The Gazette is looking for more writers of current events news to add to the newspaper. Good rates of pay offered. Contact Carmela_DeAngelis at the Gazette offices in Chicago with your application.
Advertising in the Gazette is easy, and it’s FREE! Just send your advertisement in to the Gazette offices and we will print it here for you.