The Mafia Gazette
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Issue 9
22 March 2012


DOOM RESISTS RUMBLES RUMORS
By Rei

Las Vegas leader Doomtrain approached the country last Friday afternoon to put an end to the recent rumors regarding his lineage. After an alleged misinterpretation of Doomtrain’s family history, word that Doom descended from Boost of Detroit, also known as Rumbles, spread across the country like fire. Nightmarish memories of past events brought forth instantaneous resentment directed at Doom, causing unrest and turmoil throughout the nation.

For those unaware of the history, Boost was the leader of Detroit who single-handedly brought down the rest of the Mafioso world. His reign of tyranny only came to an end when he willingly stepped down from his position to pursue outside interests. With kill counts reaching triple digits, Boost went down in history as a machine who monopolized the mafia world, suppressing all resistance with violence and terror. There is but few men left standing today who’s forefathers were left unaffected by such a man. One individual expressed his family’s opinion of Boost: “He was a dishonorable Mafioso who gained his position as leader of the country's underworld through lying, cheating and stealing. You can't have any respect for a man with no morals.”

Doom, determined to put an end to such accusations, explained those closest to him were aware of his true lineage, although he had no means to prove he was not a descendant of Rumbles. Doom stressed the potential of his dishonesty in great length, leaving a fair number of Mafioso suspicious. While Doom’s family stands by his word, it was Doom himself who stated “I could be spinning you a web of lies, cajoling you with a double bluff!“

With no means to confirm or deny the accusations but Doomtrain himself, and due to his recent passing, the truth behind his origins may never come to light.


NEW YORK’S NEW RULES
By Rei

Recently named innocent on all accounts, New York’s Rich announced earlier this week his working alongside the city officials of New York to clean up the streets. Denying any and all criminal activity to the public, the leader of “The Dealers” announced hoodlums are no longer welcome in New York and it can only be assumed those found lingering in the streets will be ‘escorted out’ swiftly and efficiently.

Also part of the Diamond Dealer’s initiative; ensuring all businesses in New York have been approved by city office as legitimate businesses. To aid in this process, Rich has appointed Boris Fazzari to collect and review all business plans prior to opening.

While few officials are still suspicious of a hidden agenda, Rich appears to have most of New York in his pocket, funding changes towards a ‘New New York’ hopefully for the better.


BLOOD, BETRAYAL, BATTLE
By Rei

A series of tragic events unfolded Saturday night and into Sunday afternoon as New York and Las Vegas went head to head in a fierce battle. After an unresolved mugging incident between New York’s Jezzaspraza and Las Vegas’ Granger, Jezz, realizing his days were numbered, invaded Las Vegas on a kamikaze mission, bringing a few of Las Vegas with him. The following morning, Las Vegas declared full fledged war on New York for Jezz’s actions, invading New York and killing a number of The Dealers.

As the battle raged on, God-Son, former member of The Dealers, turned against his own family and stood alongside Las Vegas during the battle, much to the disappointment - but not shock - of New York. Traitor in their own ranks, New York held it’s own, taking down a number of Nevada’s members. Nevada leader Doomtrain was early to fall in battle, but the war wore on late into the day as Las Vegas - and God-Son - continued to fight for their fallen leader and family.

The battle only ended in Miami after New York leader Rich and family members brought traitor God-Son to his death, along with straggling Las Vegas members still fighting. Although New York arrived victorious at the end, it is not without consequences as the family mourns the large number of lives lost in the process.


ADOBO REPUBLIC
By Rei

Monday morning PinkFreud announced in the streets the formation of the ADOBO Republic in Los Angeles. When asked what ADOBO stood for, Freud’s lips were sealed claiming it was a private family matter. While none of the family is talking, an inside source claims that ADOBO stands for ‘A Dozen OF Bubba’s Ordinates’ whose main objective is to bust the infamous serial rapist Bubba out of the joint. While this information has yet to be verified, PinkFreud and his family have yet to admit or deny any allegations at this time.


WINNING NUMBERS
By Lady Luck

Sunday’s Jackpot of over $2,500,000 appears to have 2 winning recipients. Draw #8 on March 18th numbers were 2,12,17,23,25,33,45.

Draw #9 is scheduled March 25th at 8:00pm.


IN DEPTH GAZE INTO THE ZODIAC: 12 PART SERIES
By Madame Mystery

Week 1: Aries - The Ram
(MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

The first sign of the zodiac is concerned with
--Self-assertion, initiation, new beginnings
--Action, daring, challenge, adventure
--Exploration, pioneering, discovering
--Aggression, creativity, personal goals
--Personal control of everything
--Competition, winning, being first
--Courage, honesty, nobility, openness

Aries is the cardinal fire sign of the zodiac and can be likened to a fire which gives direction, such as in a gun or an engine. Fire is a process that causes change and Aries uses energy to bring about changes. Aries is the most energetic of the fire signs and usually takes the initiative.

A typical Aries personality contains the following positive traits:
--Is a leader
--Is energetic
--Helps others to achieve their dreams
--Accepts challenges
--Believes in the best of others
--Takes risks for others
--Defends the vulnerable
--And Aries life is an open book
--Will give life for the loved one
--Continues action even if others give up

Whereas the negative traits follow:
--Must be the boss
--Brashness
--Blind to his or her effect on others
--Intolerance
--Jealousy
--Doesn’t listen
--Selfishness
--Impulsiveness
--Poor judge of character
--Dislikes being told what to do

Inside anyone who has strong Aries influences is a person who thinks that he or she is more interesting than others and better than those whom they are in competition. Aries is interested in winning, whoever and whatever the challenge.

The typical Aries Male:
--Has a strong body
--Is extremely energetic
--Has a dominating sex appeal
--Walks with an air of nobility
--Is fiercely competitive
--Is honest
--Appears to be self-assured
--Takes initiative and expects others to follow
--Is enterprising
--Dreads physical disability
--Has very clear goals
--Will put his partner on a pedestal
--Needs to win
--Uses wit and brains to get what he wants

A typical Aries female:
--Is slim and strong
--Is very active and glows with energy
--Has strong, luxurious hair
--Looks you in the eye and gives a firm handshake
--Is enthusiastic and optimistic
--Talks back and often gets hurt because of it
--Expects loyalty
--Is fearless
--Has interests outside the home or has a career
--Expects to win in any situation
--Is direct, open, and honest

To Aries, love is a conquest. Male Aries love the chase and seem to have little difficulty attracting women, while female Aries also love the challenge of the hunt but go about it a little more subtly.

Aries in love with have many of the following characteristics:
--Is very romantic and believes in courtly love
--Will insist on doing the chasing and cannot bear to be chased by anyone
--Can be extremely possessive of the lover but cannot understand if the lover is possessive
--Places the loved one on a pedestal
--Will be jealous of any attention the loved one gives to others
--Will defend the loved one to the death
--Expects total faithfulness from the partner
--Expects the lover to respond as if he or she is the first and best lover ever known
--Expects to be loved exclusively
--Expects never to be criticized

Aries is most compatible with: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces
Aries is least compatible with: Virgo, Scorpio

Colors: red, black, white
Plant: tiger lily
Gemstones: ruby, diamond
Metal: iron
Animals: ram and lamb


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